Saturday, March 7, 2009

Catching Up

I realized, I'd fallen behind on posting my notebook working notes. I've been posting thoughts directly to the blog, but not putting in my actual working notes that I jot down throughout the day while I'm working or out and about. So here's a core dump of everything since the end of January.

7 March
Nor does Party Girl need to be fully developed. It just needs to express the idea of the birth of consumerism and suggest the outcome we all know.

An article I read today showed me that I am actually on the cutting edge of artistic thought. I feel so validated. I know it should not matter – I do what I do and I try to express myself as best I can, but to find out that I’m actually on the edge of the artistic curve, makes me realize that my work has artistic merit, has artistic validity. And that feels like a great big pat on the head, a huge thumbs up, keep going, you’re doing something that people will actually want to pay attention to. You do know what you are about.

“I am becoming what I am.” This is my mantra right now. I tell myself this over and over again.

6 March
Need – toothbrushes, spray bottle, bleach.

If I were only writing a novel, it would be enough.
If I were only writing one short story, it would be enough.
If I were only doing the residency, it would be enough.
If I were only a mom, it would be enough.
If I were only breathing, it would be enough.

5 March
David – what happens when a person can’t fulfill their dreams in the way they originally wanted but can only touch a simulacrum of that dream.

David does not want to be ordinary.

Why does David come back to the stage? Why did he quit?

Choice – Alan’s shoes – all these pairs of shoes with one shoe unscuffed, untouched, the other one used – Matt wears a pair of Alan’s shoes to the funeral.

3 March
Ideas about consumption – what we consume, what we throw away. Party Girl – about the demise of the consumer culture, the story, the narrative we are telling ourselves about our consumer culture.

That our objects need us as much as we need them. What are our objects without us? What do they become?

Need – tape.

Recognizing that it is all about exploration – I don’t need to have a complete answer. I don’t even necessarily need to believe exactly what comes out – but it’s about the exploration of the idea and what it means.

The fallacy of the object – we don’t’ believe in objects anymore, we believe in ideas, and ideas about objects.

I have to keep reminding myself that it is okay to play – I get very tense when I’m at the dump because I see all these objects come in and I’ve been saying to myself “If I were a better artist, I’d be able to do something with it.” But that’s not actually what’s going on. It’s more “If I were a DIFFERENT artists, I’d be able to do something with it.” That’s more the truth of the matter. Because if I were a different kind of artist, the wood would be great, the metal would be great, the sheet rock and broken sinks and toilets, and all that stuff, would be great.

I think the hardest part is knowing that the thing I want (like wooden boxes) will probably come in while I’m not there. I’m also having issues of logistics with my materials and my workspace. So I’m packing up everything from home and moving it all to the container for the rest of the residency where my only issue will be running water. I’ll have all my mediums in one place and I’ll be able to play more.

I really get what Beth said about not getting fixated on solving individual problems – like my abecedary poem – I need to look at all the boxes as one piece so everything fits together. (or do I want to create one large piece with all the elements in it? And the poem – like an I Spy kind of piece?)

New idea – using found paper and plaster to create masks (I can do a yin/yang kind of thing with one of the sectioned metal trays – that would be nice.)

Party Girl continues to take shape – she was apparently a make-up rep after leaving Mr. Combover – I found all these samples of make-up from the ‘60’s with instructions on application. Very, very cool. I think Party Girl will be my next fiction workshop submission – really give them something to chew on and mull over – images and text.

1 March
Party Girl – the demise of the consumer culture. Elegies for party girl.

The Demise of Party Girl and Other Stories.

24 February
For student chair – a Spaulding Gray type of narrative about an event.

11 February
Mainly, my deep passion and longing to be taken seriously as an artist, to connect on some deep level with the people who view the work.

The Demise of Party Girl – installation piece

Ehyeh asher ehyeh (אהיה אשר אהיה) – I am becoming as I am.

1 February
It never ends – the garbage coming in. The violence with which people throw stuff out – joy in destruction – throwing things as far from themselves as possible.

“Whatever you are looking for you will find it here. Everything comes here eventually.”

29 January
Residency – alphabet – boxes for each letter and things that start with each letter. – composing the world.

26 January
Nikki – this wasn’t courage. Staying here was the most cowardly thing I could have done. The easiest way to prove love. Staying where it was the easiest to find us.

Burroway: Stories do not begin with ideas or themes or outlines, so much as with images and obsessions.

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